All In A Moment
by mugglecastlover31
Summary: This is a oneshot from both Will and Lyra's point of view. It's almost six years since they last saw each other and both are in pain. This story describes how they both get a new life while sitting in the Botanic Gardens. Enjoy!


**All In A Moment…**

Every night she dreamed of him. Every night. He was always on her mind because she loved him with a fervid passion and with all her heart and soul. She knew she couldn't be his physically but her very being belonged only to him.

It had been almost 6 years since she had seen Will's fingers close the only way she could ever behold him again. She replayed the exact moment her soul was ripped out time and time again. Any physical pain she had experienced in her adventures was like getting a simple paper cut compared with the pain her broken heart held.

Lyra rolled her tall form out of bed. Her eyes seemed to reflect the eternal sadness of her lost love as she walked towards the door of her dorm room. The curtains waved slightly in a gentle southwards breeze like clothes drying in the fresh country air. She gazed out from her second story balcony and looked over the school she was now attending with many other girls. Often she thought them simple for they did not know the real pain that she knew so intimately. She had lived, lost and loved all in a short amount of time which she had wished could've lasted an eternity. They seemed as plain to her as she did to them since she didn't talk much with anyone except for Pantalaimon. He was the only one with who she could really share how she felt. To who else could she explain that the one she loved, lived in a whole different world, completely cut off from hers? They would think her crazy for saying something like that. She could just imagine them scoffing, "How could anyone live in a different world?" But she had loved him and it had been pure; that was all that mattered.

Pantalaimon came up and sat on the ledge of the window, his vivid red fur glowed softly in the early morning light of the sunrise.

"Thinking about him again?" he asked quietly.

"Yes…" Lyra replied, as she touched Pantalaimon's fur, looking at it but not really seeing it.

She remembered everything about him; his strong jaw and straight eyebrows. She recalled how he fought with the ferocity of twenty men and how gentle he was with Kirjava. She saw his deep eyes, which echoed love and passion along with strength and rage. His image was etched in her mind. He was a memory that you fought hard to forget but were glad that you couldn't. She knew that her life would be easier if she could forget him but she just couldn't, he was a part of her. Without him she was already incomplete and without his memory she would be a person living but dead like a wilting flower in winter.

"We can go to the Botanic Gardens tonight, if you want to. You seem to be missing him more today then ever," Pantalaimon said, stretching.

"Yes, I think that would be nice…"Lyra said, tucking her hair behind her ears in the way that Will had so cherished, "I think we should go now."

"Won't we get in trouble?" Pantalaimon questioned.

Lyra shot him a look and Pantalaimon obediently jumped lithely down to the floor.

She quickly got dressed and tip-toed into the quiet hallway. She was only going to the Botanic Garden because it was something to give her purpose. It was the only place she felt that maybe, just maybe, she could feel the warm presence of her love again.

Upon reaching the garden she slid the key that the Master had given her and crept in. She knew where to go; to that bench where she and Will had promised to both sit at noon on Midsummer's Day.

She ran to the bench, the crisp morning air making her eyes sting. She sat down on the bench and quietly wept with sorrow. She had not cried in weeks but at that moment it was too much to bear. Lyra didn't know what to do. Her life was dedicated to studying how to read the alethiometer only because she wanted to be able to ask about Will one day. She didn't know whether or not it could tell her anything about another world but she thought that if she believed enough it _would_ work.

Lyra looked down at Pantalaimon and saw that his eyes were moist as well. She stroked him lovingly as he lay in her lap.

"I miss Kirjava!" he cried.

"I know," Lyra sobbed.

There was a moment of utter despair when both of them thought they would die of their anguish. But then she remembered a promise that she had made to Will. They had promised that they would both try and live happy lives, without each other as they must. Lyra thought of this and stopped crying. She had to be happy - for Will. She had said this to herself many times and she would go a couple weeks without breaking down but then there were those days when she was a wreck. Today was one of those days.

"It just isn't fair!" Lyra cried passionately, the sobs coming back like a tsunami.

So many times she had seen two young lovers walking together, each other's daemons in their arms. They seemed to be robbed of any sense as they walked together, laughing, talking, in silence, and in love. She hated watching them. Why couldn't her and Will have ended up like that? Why couldn't she feel his touch everyday? Why couldn't she fondly tease him just so that she would get to cheer him up? Why wasn't she able to kiss him whenever she felt like it? Why? Why? Why?

Suddenly she felt a tug at her heart. It didn't hurt, it was everything pleasant she had ever, tasted, smelled, heard, touched, or seen all at once. Lyra was filled with an overwhelming wave of love and joy. Will's warm, safe presence surrounded her and she felt his lips brush softly over hers. She wrapped her arms around him and cried with happiness.

Then it was all over. The bliss in her heart left, but there wasn't so much despair anymore. She knew she had touched Will. She knew that she and Will had connected again for a brief moment, but that moment had given her a life. She knew he still loved her and that he always would.

Lyra got up and walked across the garden, towards the gate with a small smile upon her lips. It was the first true smile to grace her face in years.

Her face smiled sweetly at him in his dreams as she brought the small red fruit to his lips. His eyes were full of joviality. He leaned forward to kiss her and right before her lips touched his…he woke up.

His got out of bed, shaking his head. He had that dream repeatedly. Almost every night Lyra came and tortured him; reminded him that she was not to be his in this lifetime.

Will stumbled into the bathroom and splashed ice cold water onto his face, and looked up. He looked the same as he had when he had been with Lyra. He had the same straight eyebrows and dark brown hair. He had grown and was nearly six feet tall. The only thing that was different was his eyes. They showed an oldness that even the oldest of men didn't show. They held a dulled pain like his cut fingers had once felt.

He walked back into his dorm at Oxford University. Kirjava looked at him with her marble eyes and stretched.

"Again?" she asked, referring to his dream about Lyra.

"What else?" he replied, pulling on a shirt.

Will suffered his loss stoically. No one could see that he was in agony. He didn't weep often, but sometimes he'd get caught in a whirlpool of torment and tears poured out like rain. It was difficult. The girls in his class would often flirt with him, but he would push them away. He held the reputation of being aloof, even though he had two friends whom he roomed with. Will often felt the best when his mind was on doing something that took strength and concentration, making him sleep soundly without Lyra tormenting him. But when he thought of Lyra less, he felt guilty. He didn't want to forget her, but also did.

It was dawn, when he said, "Kirjava, wanna go down the Garden?"

"Sure," Kirjava answered.

Will headed outside, head still swimming with thoughts of Lyra. He remembered everything about her. He had always adored the way she had tucked her hair behind her ears and how she had read the alethiometer with such intense concentration. He loved how she'd stamp her foot when she was being obstinate. Her long burnt sienna hair and mischievous smile were also part of the picture of her he had. He remembered running his hands through that hair, and kissing her over and over again- every moment something he wanted to remember forever.

"Will…" Kirjava said evenly.

He looked up to see that he was upon the gates into the Botanic Gardens. Will had no key, so he climbed up a vine and over the wall. He did it often early in the morning and late at night when the gates were closed. People had seen him, but no one had cared.

Will walked slowly to the bench near where Lyra had given him that final kiss. He looked at each flower, touching them softly. Each one reminded him of an adventure that he had undergone with Lyra; the moment they had met, when she had accidentally touched Kirjava, when they had first kissed…every flower showed him one of those moments.

He lightly sat down on the bench, shivering slightly even thought it was a warm morning. Tears started rolling down his face, slowly at first, and then faster. Kirjava curled up in his lap as he clenched his fists in her fur.

"These years of living apart in agony are worse than it would've been even living for ten years in her world," Will said angrily.

"You know we couldn't have done that Will…as much as we wanted to…I don't think she would've felt any better after having you for ten years and then losing you suddenly. The despair would be worse at having something for a while and then something snatching it away. Though hard it is to believe, it _is_ better this way," Kirjava stated wisely, battling tears herself.

"It's just not fair! Nothing is….why must I be denied my first and only love? I don't understand!" he cried at the heavens.

At that moment he felt a sweet wrench at his heart. It didn't hurt, it was everything pleasant he had ever, tasted, smelled, heard, touched, or seen all at once. He was filled with elation and love. Lyra's warm fragrant essence was all around him. Her lips brushed his like the missing climax of all his dreams. He wrapped his arms around her in an overwhelming feeling of need and want.

The next moment it was all over. It was as if she had never been there. Not a leaf rustled, or a bird chirped. There was absolute silence in the garden. He felt angry that her presence had left him but he was still slightly happier than before. She had been there; touched him. After so many years he had felt her love again. She was always to be his, and he hers.

His soul felt as though it had been given new life. In a moment she had rekindled a fire in him, a fire he needed to live.

Kirjava looked up seeing Will…she had not seen anything but felt a change in Will.

"Let's go…" Will said airily.

He smiled ever so slightly knowing that Lyra was connected to him.

All in a moment…

_A/N: Hey everyone! Hope you enjoyed this fic. It's my first one-shot ever. I really wanted to thank Tony, Katie, and Lissy who edited the fic, so- THANK YOU:p And I really would like to get some reviews, because I'm pretty happy with this story but I wanna know what other people think so please Read and Review! Thanks!_


End file.
